Amy Gabriel posted this on Google+ and she is so spot on with this it isn’t even funny.
Why do we take on other’s opinions as our truth?
I guestimate (not a word. should be.) that everyone has done this at one time or another in their lives. A negative comment cuts you to the quick, an unkind gesture, or even a perceived slight sends you into a maelstrom of not-so-nice feelings about… YOU.
The thing is people… in order for things to sting… you have to buy it on some level. You know that little spot in your psyche that whispers negativity in your ear? THAT… not the other person… is the culprit. I mean sure when people are douche-nozzles it hurts our feelings, but why do we sometimes get SO angry when a veritable stranger is a dick?
It’s much different if someone you are invested in says/does something less than kind. But a person you don’t really care about/sleep with/share holidays with/pays your bills/employs you… Why do THEY matter? I’ve seen people go apeshit over a complete stranger giving them (what they thought) was a dirty look. Also I’ve seen normally confident, well adjusted folks melt into tears after being attacked by trolls on the internets or worse… go apeshit back at them, fueling the fire of hecklers everywhere.
Not being easily offended is priceless. Allowing someone else (again who doesn’t really matter) that much power over you just doesn’t make sense. It’s that little voice in there, whispering bullshit, that deserves your retribution.
Tell it to shut up. Train your brain to have a better inner dialogue. It’s tough, I won’t lie, but completely vital to a healthful self concept.
1. Identify that voice. Write down a list of all the shitty things you say to yourself. Then review it and make sure you’ve not left anything out.
2. For each craptastic message, write a response challenging that thought. What I used to do is write my response as if I were talking to my best friend.
3. Replace Replace Replace. Now that you’ve identified your negative self talk, every time it comes up replace it with the rewrite. You are now re-wiring your brain.
It takes a hella lot of practice. I used to carry note cards around and read them as necessary. Not even joking. It’s called “doing the work”. Sound silly? Don’t want to write? Okay. Then be at the whim of the world getting your buttons pushed by all those around you. Or… you could make a different choice. You could choose YOU.
Self worth matters.